There is a difference between facing my fears and having
faith. It may be subtle to some, but to
me, it is the greatest paradigm shift in my world.
You see, I am brave.
I am one of those people who others might even say is fearless. Give me a topic, any topic, and I can, will,
and have stood up in front of thousands and deliver a 15 minute speech that
will seem it had been written and rehearsed countless times. I’ve developed this gradually over time by
facing my fear of judgment, capability and all the nausea, sweating, and
sleepless nights that it brings. I have
learned to “be brave”.
I travel alone. Sure,
the first time I was scared, almost to the point of it not being the first
time. But I sucked it up, prayed the
rosary, took a Xanax, and went. And the
next time was easier. And the time after
that even more. Now? I’d rather not travel with anyone anytime
thank you very much.
When I went skydiving the first time (back in the day of
solo, tethered first jumps), I was so afraid, I found myself hanging from the
strut, fear paralyzing me. I could NOT let go!
The jump instructor screaming at me, “We can’t land with you there!”
Yes, I faced my fears, conquered them. I am a WARRIOR!
But that my dear friends is limiting.
It has occurred to me that what I really, really want is to
move in faith.
What’s the difference?
Facing my fear is hanging on the strut of the plane, looking
down, feeling the dread of possible death, adrenaline rising, stomach churning,
flight or fight in full tilt mode and then letting go anyway. It’s saying, “I am stronger than my
fear. I am more than my fear. Fear, get behind me!” and then jumping.
Faith, is hearing the next three words from my jump
instructor, “You got this!”
And believing I did.
Fear is saying, “I can handle anything negative that comes
my way.”
Faith is saying, “Everything that comes my way is perfect.”
Fear is saying, “I can solve problems, tackle adversity,
face my fear.”
Faith is saying, “Problems, adversity and fear are exactly what I need.”
Can you feel the difference?
It is so subtle that I don’t have the language for it. I am not sure how to express it. I am not sure how to feel it. Or live it. But there is a difference.
It is so subtle that I don’t have the language for it. I am not sure how to express it. I am not sure how to feel it. Or live it. But there is a difference.
And I have faith I will find it.
